Do you allow yourself to simply feel?

Knowledge is important. Understanding the way our physical bodies and our minds work is powerful, as it explains the way we feel. And what is life but being in touch with how we perceive our surroundings and the functioning of our internal organs?

Many of us reach adulthood without major health complications. We tend to forget about the toothaches or the ear infections of our early years. After all, many of us were fortunate to have caring parents who would make sure we would get over our illnesses.  

Growing up in post-war economies with booming opportunities for professional training, set the conditions to aspire to meet the happy endings. Climbing up the corporate ladder or creating an expansive business were breeding ground for believing that a successful career was automatically paired with good health, a beautiful family and a loving home.

I could personally fit school and music demanding activities until my late teens, as I made very conscious use of every minute of every day. Even when the teacher gave us permission to just chill at the end of a lesson, I would take out my assignment for harmony that was due later that afternoon. There was no time to waste and I could shine in both worlds. 

My behaviour is explained by decisions I made as a child, an insecure and scared child who wanted to be loved and make her parents happy. If this sounds like blaming my upbringing for my insecurities and fear, it is not. I was probably born like that. 

We are all born with our own personality. There are strong characters and then they are the so called "softies". I am not the latter but I wanted to be noticed only for the right reasons. I have discovered later in life that I grew up in an environment favourable to the development of narcissistic tendencies, since society praised those who "achieved". People were assessed by what they did rather than by who they were as humans. 

It didn't really matter how environmentally friendly you were, as long as you carried out your work/school duties to the best of your abilities. Pets were never as high on the list of priorities as they are today. Neither were walks in the park, just chilling or minding your breathing. 

There was little room for creativity if your parents were doing a "good job" with their child. The afternoons were packed with extra-curricular activities and this meant the parents were giving their off-spring the best tools to have a better or as good a life as they had. The mentality was that we had to make good use of all the opportunities life handed at us. 

I personally heard about loss, pursuing passions and facing challenges in love without being able even to imagine what it would be like. As I write this, I realise that I applied my motto of "do the right thing (what is expected) and you will be successful" until I couldn't reconcile it with my ill-health any more.

Reaching a certain age is the solution when you are a kid

When we are young(er), we believe that, once we reach a certain stage in life, we will know what to do. Reaching adulthood to a child is like a passport to having everything you've always wanted. 

Yet turning eighteen or twenty one does not include experience or wisdom. It took me thirty years to feel satisfied with my understanding of life, from my early twenties to my early fifties. Only recently have I allowed myself to just feel. 

I went through the challenges of a mid-life crisis with my health and my feelings and I discovered creative writing as a means to organise the chaos I felt I was in. The chaos of living, ageing and changing. 

My simple recipe for well-being after all the analysis during those many years is to eat a healthy diet, exercise, take the supplements you need to maintain your bones, muscles and brain strong, add pro and pre-biotics to keep that gut going and be mindful of your breathing. I have become wiser as I have aged and I came to terms with my own mortality. 

I have discovered that pursuing some of your dreams can sometimes not be feasible. So I became more of a realist and pinpointed a feasible passion: connecting with children and helping them understand basic scientific concepts. It pays well where I live and it fuels my batteries so I can pursue my hobbies. 

I love to write, I enjoy shaping the bushes in my garden and more recently, I am opening my heart to my pet cats. 

I have discovered that doing more of what makes me happy will not happen unless I plan it. Without some sort of organisation, I leave my leisure time to chance. Being a professional, having kids and a home do not ensure optimum entertaining. 

In order to feel pleasure, you must ensure that you are surrounded by those who lift you up. Sometimes this concept intertwines with finding that perfect job. What a piece of rubbish. I hope you are not expecting personal fulfillment from a job. It is great if you get along with your co-workers but you must work on your own personal relationships outside of work.

Same thing happens with your life partner. If you are in a long-term relationship, you have to work on it without losing yourself. Experts explain that love and business relationships go through damage and they need repair. You might have built a life or a business with someone who causes you pain at a certain point, or you make a mistake. It doesn't need to be the end of it. You can both work to build a new partnership with the more mature versions of yourselves. 

Stability is important. Don't leave it in someone else's hands. Parents grow old, partners make mistakes and the only person you can rely on is yourself. This has a sad connotation in the fairy tale world they sold us as kids. 

Life is a cycle and death is unavoidable. So is pain. If you face it, take care of yourself first and this will be the compass that will guide you in the right direction. Trust your feelings as to whether you should stay with someone or somewhere, or when it is time to let them go. No one knows better than you. 

Take care and include more of what makes you happy in your daily program. Allow yourself to feel and enjoy what you have built for yourself and the ones you love. If you feel like sharing your thoughts with me, please leave a comment below. 

Thanks for reading and share the love,

V.